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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Deep Thoughts....by April Jones

Who am I? I am the old April I use to be. I'm am happy again. Sure not having a job is part of that right now but i'm looking forward to my future once again! Mike and I have always talked about retirement and he really wanted me to stay at my old job because then we could retire early. I was miserable there. I hated every second I was there and it showed in the person I had become. I never had the guts to quit or make a move because I didn't want to disappoint his dreams. I knew that my job was on the line and asked that people pray for me and things would be okay. In my mind the okay thing was that my job would remain and that I would continue my robot like schedule. God works in mysterious ways and all the prayers worked but not how I had envisioned. I would have never quit, he eliminated my position, I never knew what I wanted to do in life, he opened my eyes to the behind the scenes medical field that I never knew existed. I feel like a new woman! I've even started putting on makeup and fixing my hair!

I use to think I was unhappy because of my weight. That was SO not the case. After losing 20 lbs and competing and having my dreambody I was still unhappy. I think I was almost in depression and now I feel like a weight has been lifted. I am back to happy go lucky April once again! My glass is half full and people don't get on my nerves as much anymore. I even went to Target at noon yesterday when the parking lot was full LOL!

Since i've been doing alot of soul searching I have realized how important my family and friends are to me. This past week i've seen every member of my family and it has been terrific! I even went and did aerobics with my mom last night which is something I would have never done before because I felt like I didn't have the time. My focus was to get my 8 hours over with and then home to workout. After that I never felt like leaving the house again.

All this brings me to my definition in the dictionary. As much as I LOVE being in figure competitions that does not define me. I don't want my definition to be the girl who was in figure competitions, lived her robotic life, never socialized and obsessed with her weight.

Here is what I want:
April Jones-the girl who's smile lights up the room, who is pleasant to be around, who loves health and fitness, and who obsesses about her weight.(some things you just can't change)

18 comments:

Marissa said...

That is such a nice post April! God does work in mysterious ways! Good for you to figure that out and turn this into a great thing!!! I've never met you but I'm sure you do already light up the room. You seem like a hoot to be around!!

Jodi Lane said...

I think sometimes we need to have that extra push even though it is stressful!

Ann said...

What a beautiful and inspiring post - thanks for the morning uplift!!!

Ruby said...

What an amazing post April. I am so happy for you that you found the happy you. Sometimes people don't find that person in a lifetime or they do when it's too late. I am so glad that you found her now!!!

Jacey said...

I love this post, April. I am so glad that you got out of the job that you hated. Life is too short to just got through the motions and now that you are on the outside looking in, you can see that for yourself. I'm sure you will continue to adjust as you find your way through this next chapter -- but it will turn out great. As long as you have your health and the love of your friends and family, it's all good.

Tearose said...

Aww April I am so glad you are feeling happy! I am trying to find my happy self again. I think its just awesome you now have the opportunity to pursue something you love. You know what they say... Pursue your passion the rest will take care of itself ;)

LAT GIRL said...

April - what a wonderful, heartfelt post! Thank you for sharing

Lisa T.

Angela said...

You are the best girl! And your smile does light up the room :)

Im glad you did get out of that job...i know you weren't happy there!

And as far as obsessing about weight...some things will never change ;)

Love ya!

Becca said...

WONDERFUL POST! Thanks for sharing this, this is just what I needed to read today. God does work in mysterious ways, but they are only mysterious to us, he has a plan!! I am so glad you are feeling that a weight has been lifted and your spirits and soul is back.

I also feel you on the fact that you don't want to be defined by figure comps. If you don't want to, and don't let it take over your life, it won't. Just let it be a hobby we do, like other people have skiing or knitting, and that's all it will be. Anyone who really knows you knows you are so much more.

I am so happy for you!! YOU GO GIRL.

Muslfetish said...

I agree, awesome post!

Tina said...

You did it again....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................You made me cry!!!!!!!!!

That's good stuff there April...good stuff!!! And you've always been that girl you describe to me...I'm glad you are now seeing what we see :) Beautiful inside and out!!!

Eve is going to Nationals... AGAIN said...

Heres something else to add to your definition: Someone who inspired others, just by living her dreams and facing her challenges head on with honesty and passion!

Krissa said...

I love what Eve said above.

I am so happy that you are feeling so happy :)

You made me laugh about the Target thing.

EM :) said...

BEAUTIFUL POST, APE, BEAUTIFUL! :)
When ever I see your pix, your smiles TOTALLY makes me smile. I don't have a doubt that you absolutely light up a room. No doubt!
:)

EM :) said...

BEAUTIFUL POST, APE, BEAUTIFUL! :)
When ever I see your pix, your smiles TOTALLY makes me smile. I don't have a doubt that you absolutely light up a room. No doubt!
:)

Jenn said...

What a great post April!!!

Hayley said...

As the others all said, awesome post April. It made me smile to read your words - your happiness really does shine through and you deserve it. I'm so envious of your cruise! Do you guys take one every year? Which cruise line are you going on?

Hage Family said...

That's awesome April!